Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
