Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
