JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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