how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
