I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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