I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
