i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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