Just fell off a train. Bad.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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