Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
