I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
