she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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