is your mom at the bar?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
