I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You may now shotgun with the bride
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
