i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
