a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
