just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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