I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
