smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
