I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't deserve a penis
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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