yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
