omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
