careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
