You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
being pregnant is like rehab
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
