i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
