He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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