Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
