cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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