remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
