I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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