I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
