I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
