No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
