We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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