my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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