A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
