Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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