If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
