he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
