I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
