What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
