You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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