Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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