Im at strip club and am horny
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
