she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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