Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
