Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hell yes lets make some ravioli
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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