It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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