At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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