You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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