he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
