It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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