I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
