you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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