That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
