ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
