so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
